I didn’t  want to check the list. Every fiber of my being was resisting the urge to make the dreaded walk up to the field house.

All I heard throughout the day was “Have you seen the roster yet?” The very thought of not making the team gave me chills.

As I walked through the parking lot, the weight of pressure seemed to build more and more with each step. Finally, there I was, at the entrance to the field house. The building seemed unfamiliar, as if it had been replaced with a torture room. This had become a place full of anxious anticipation.

After walking through field house door, I expected to see all the other students in the class surrounding the locker room, but there was no one at all. It was a little strange but I had more important things on my mind than worrying about what other people were doing. I opened the door to the locker room thinking it would be posted there, but to my surprise it was right next to me on the window.

On one side, the varsity list. On the other, junior varsity.

I checked the jayvee list first. Five times.

I checked the varsity just in case.

I still didn’t see my name.

I said to myself, “Obviously, it is some sort of mistake.”

Then, the truth settled in.

“Oh, I guess I didn’t make it,” I said to myself. It kind of sucked.

Then, of course, I checked to see who made it to compare their skills to mine.

“Well, if he made it, then I should have made it,” I thought.  In my mind, I’m obviously better than him.

Fighting the urge to strangle someone, I went to the locker room to suit out with everyone else talking about how they made the team.

Coach Hallak spoke to everyone about how he was happy that we had all tried out, which basically felt like a slap in the face.

At this moment I tried not to spill my anger out on everyone like Mount St. Helens, leaving no survivors. Luckily for their sakes I didn’t.

Then, we were split up into the varsity and jayvee sides. I didn’t really know where to go. I just went with jayvee because that’s what I was used to.

After Coach Horne finished talking to the jayvee team, I decided to try to confront him. But let’s not get into that. It got pretty emotional.

Still extremely disappointed, I kicked around a soccer ball with another kid. Quite sadly if I say so.

I just wanted class to be over, but it seemed longer than usual.

After basically 20 minutes of kicking around a ball, class was finally over.

I rushed into the locker room wanting to get out of there as fast as possible. I think that was the fastest I ever changed.

The walk down the parking lot was just as full of pressure as the walk up because I knew throughout the day people would ask me how tryouts went and I would have to tell them the ugly truth.

When I got to lunch I basically forced someone to buy me ice cream so that I could eat out my sorrows. Alex gave me two dollars to buy some, but I didn’t want to go alone. Christine being, my guardian angel, went with me. I was in no mood to talk so she went to the stand and got ice cream for me.

Once she handed it to me, I felt a little better. So I walked through the hall. Eating ice cream. Hoping the day would get better.